


Illuminated

by Phantisocial



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Care Home, Care home au, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Eating Disorder, Fluff, M/M, Mental Health problems, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Phan - Freeform, Phan Smut, Phandom - Freeform, Questioning Sexuality, Scared!Phil, Self Harm, Smut, Therapy, Upset phil, Young!Phil, confused phil, dan was kicked out for being gay, dan x Connor smut, eventual getting together, hurt!phil, non-con, phil is younger than dan, phil was put in care because of abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-05
Updated: 2015-11-06
Packaged: 2018-04-13 04:19:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4507500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phantisocial/pseuds/Phantisocial
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When home isn't safe anymore; where do you run?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Read the other 7 chapters on wattpad! http://w.tt/1DbnpFn Updates every Wednesday on there :)

AN: I am well aware that Dan is younger than Phil in reality, however as this is an AU Phanfiction, this is different.

 

Phil sat dejectedly with his head down to the floor as he fumbled clumsily with his shaking fingers. He wasn't okay with this; this had been his room for a year now, why did he have to share for? He didn't want too have to take his posters down or put his plushies in the attic, he liked his room the way it was. He wanted to jump up and scream "Get OUT!" As soon as his new roommate walked through the door but he couldn't do that, angry behavior resulted in a long trip to the quiet room, nobody liked going in there, especially not Phil. Tense as he waited anxiously for the new boy before doing yet another thorough dash around the room to ensure that everything was perfect and pristine for his roommates arrival. Maybe if he could keep everything normal the new boy wouldn't beat him up for a while.

*******************************

When Daniel James Howell pictured his roommate, he was scared; imaging buff muscles and anger issues which would result in a rather miserable two years until he could leave the care home. 

What he didn't expect was a timid boy who looked about three years younger than him. He stared at his surroundings, taking in the Pokémon, Spirited Away, Totoro and Kiki's Delivery Service posters littering the walls and bottom end of the bunk beds. Two matching black duvet covers with the emblems of the New York skyline covered both beds. Deciding that he would probably get on well with his roommate despite the younger boy looking terrified with eyes bulging out of his head. 

"Hi, my name's Dan," he spoke confidently with a flick of his fingers. Phil kept his head down, never once meeting the gaze of the chocolate eyed boy. A little whimper squeaked out of his small parted lips as he took hurried steps away in fear from Dan. 

Dan took a cautious step towards Phil, as he noticed that the younger boy flinched away in fear at his movement. A dark thought flit across his mind which he realized when he took in Phil's quivering form, was most likely true; Phil had been abused. He tried to get rid of the mere notion of this little boy being hurt by anyone but he could already tell that he had come at a good time to the carehome, he could help Phil now before he gave up on people entirely. 

Several awkward seconds later and Dan noticed that Phil was clutching a blue MP3 player and was attempting to undo his headphones with nimble fingers. 

"Hey, let me help you with that" Dan took a step towards the desk where the younger boy was stood and reached out to grasp the white headphones from his hands. 

The small boy flinched and took a large step backwards, knocking his leg on the corner of the rectangular stool in the process. His tiny Adventure Time pyjama shorts rode up at the impact and when Phil turned to glance at Dan with terrified eyes, he noticed the large scram running down the milky white thigh of the slight boy.

Dan stared, transfixed by the overwhelming cuteness and protective feelings that he felt for his younger roommate. He mentally scolded himself "You mustn't think like that, being gay never got you anywhere with Mum..." He shook these thoughts out of his mind, he didn't want to think about her right now. And anyway, she didn't want anything to do with him and he didn't want anything to do with her, she wouldn't have to know about how much he wanted to save the shaking boy in front of him.He wanted to think about the scared boy in front of him with raven hair and cerulean eyes that seemed to shimmer with budding mischief but were hidden by harsh panic. He wanted to help this little boy, whoever he was. He almost smiled as he realised that he already felt so protective of this boy but he didn't even know his name.

He wanted to reach forward and embrace Phil. Hug him tightly to his chest and promise that everything was going to be okay; that he had Dan now. That he didn't have to face anything alone now. The more rational side of him argued that Phil was obviously uncomfortable right now and he should go at Phil's pace. 

His eyes searched the room for something Phil could write with and his eyes rested on an Adventure Time notebook and pen, resting on an immaculately clean desk. He took a long stride over to the desk, long legs making the short distance between him and the notebook an easy feat. He hesitantly held it out towards Phil, trying to convey sincerity and safeness in his actions. He lowered his voice this time, speaking slowly "Hi, what's your name?" Phil's eyes lifted to meet his quickly and he struggled to hold in his gasp, a mixture of blues and black coated the surroundings of the eyes like a dark palette of sadness. Swift, nimble fingers darted out from underneath the blue Adventure Time top, embellished with a smiling Finn The Human. 

Dan was ripped out of his thoughts by a notebook being thrust at him. An immaculate calligraphy styled sentence was written on the page, "You don't need to speak so slow; I'm not stupid. My name's Phil. Phil Lester. Although, you'll probably be calling me Freak later like all of them do." 

Dan's lips almost slipped into a grin as he read the sarcasm that seemed to drop from Phil's every letter. He sat gently down on the bed he presumed to be Phil's due to the collection of Anime plushies. Staring at the perfect handwriting again, Dan hastily wrote a note back; hoping that Phil wouldn't mind his untidier writing too much. "It's rude to make assumptions, you know. I wouldn't call you a freak, you're Phil. Phil Lester, like you just said." 

Phil's eyes widened in disbelief as the boy, Dan, wrote another note back to him. He wanted to keep talking to him? Even after Phil told him that he was freak? He glanced up at the boy from beneath the security of his floppy fringe, unsure at how to react. 'What if he wants to be my friend?' He mused before dispelling the thought from his mind, as if this boy would want to be friends with a freak like him; as if anyone would for that matter. 

He could feel his eyes starting to sting with bitter tears, he had to do this didn't he? He felt so pathetic, almost crying in front of someone he'd only just met, like the stupid baby everyone here in the carehome said he was because he was one of the youngest. But for once, he didn't feel so alone as tears started to fall onto the fall. Dan was there, Dan was different wasn't he? Dan could help him. 

Dan looked up suddenly as he heard a noise that sounded like someone trying to swallow a sob. His eyes met Phil's and he caught a glimpse of teary eyes. 

"Phil," he murmured, trying to keep still, Phil just screamed frightened animal from his body language and he knew he had to proceed carefully.

"Phil; I won't hurt you. I want too help you, you need someone to look out for you. I want to be that person, you need to let me in Phil, I promise I won't let you down." And with those words Phil collapsed into a little ball on the floor next to Dan, sobs racking his body. Dan gingerly moved off the bed to sit next to Phil, neither talking for the moment for Phil to get used to the comfort of Dan's presence. 

"Shhh, Phil. It's okay; I'm here. I'm going to protect you." He wasn't sure why he felt so protective of this boy, maybe because he reminded Dan of his younger brother, or maybe because he knew how much Phil was hurting. Either way, it didn't change the fact that he needed to protect this boy. 

Phil's sobs quickened and Dan panicked, worried at how worked up Phil was getting before he realized Phil was likely an abused child; this reaction was normal. He knew children who'd been hurt by their parents weren't allowed to cry in front of parents, for fear that the parent would hit them for showing fear. Dan felt his stomach tighten uncomfortably, how could anyone hurt Phil? Sweet little Phil, he was so precious. In his little Adventure Time pajamas, mismatched socks rolling down the one side more than the other. Dan looked at Phil on the floor shivering before doing something that shocked the younger boy to the core. He slowly placed an arm around Phil, hugging him to his chest gently. They stayed like that for half an hour as Phil's sobs gently died away and a look of fear but contentment took their place instead. 

"Phil?" He whispered, "is this okay? We can stop if you want." Phil shook his head, he'd never been held like this before and...and he didn't want it to stop. The delicate strokes across his hair were soothing and the warmth and feeling of another heartbeat beneath his own was immensely comforting. He didn't want Dan to stop the feelings of security he was producing, he knew if Dan did then the feelings of sadness would soon come back; Dan took the sadness away when he had put his arm around Phil. A simple gesture, but it meant so much to Phil; it meant someone wanted to touch him and this time when he pondered Dan as a friend, a smile graced his face instead of tears.

Phil tried to speak to Dan, but his words failed him as he fumbled more with his hands in frustration. Dan caught Phil's dainty hands in his larger ones, pulling one onto a plushy he had pulled off the bed for Phil to stroke and threading the other hand with his. "Hey, hey, it's alright. Don't work yourself up over anything, Phil." He soothed. He watched as Phil shuffled uncomfortably before he pointed to his throat and mouth and then Dan's. "Phil, I'm not sure what you're trying to tell me?" Dan uttered. "Do you need your notebook to try and tell me something?" Seeing the slight nod from the gradually more sleepy eyed boy, he reached across the room to pull it nearer for Phil. Phil made little grabby hands for Dan to come back to home and sit with him again, missing the security that flowed out of Dan and into him. He picked up the pen once more, his slanted and immaculately neat script scratching into the page, "Dan. Are you my friend? I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to be, I don't think I've ever had a friend before."

Dan read the words carefully and with ease, savoring the innocent and hopeful smile on Phil's face. He kept his face stoic as he grabbed the little bopper pen and wrote next to Phil's scripture, "Of course I want to be your friend Phil. We can best friends! Now, do you have any band aids?" Phil pointed to the desk as Dan rummage through it an pulled out little Totoro plasters, he ripped the sticky side off of the backing, maintaining his gaze on Phil; making sure that Phil wasn't startled at any point. He gently placed the plaster across the puckered mark on Phil's thigh before pulling the boy close to him, slowly once more.

Phil stiffened, muscles contracting tightly together, not knowing how to cope with touch after so many years of being deprived of kind an gentle people. He tried to shake Dan off, feeling smothered by two hugs that evening. He wanted Dan off, he wouldn't mind would he? They were friends after all. Dan was oblivious to Phil's discomfort, not yet accustomed to his body language and how he showed he was uncomfortable with something. 

"D-d-da-Dan!" He mumbled, squirming in a desperate attempt to get away. Dan stopped reveling in the feeling of happiness protecting Phil caused him and brought his arms down quickly, letting Phil spring free from his hug. As Phil dived under the covers of his bed shaking, Dan felt an overwhelming feeling of failure, he'd just fucking promised to look after Phil and he'd already scared him away! 

"Phil?" He called cautiously to the shaking lump under the blanket. "Phil, I'm sorry. I only wanted to hug you and make you feel better." He went over to the lump in the bed and pulled the blanket off Phil. "Scoot over Phil, I'm coming to lie by you, okay?" He wasn't expecting an answer but his heart fluttered with happiness when Phil nodded that he could comfort him. "What's wrong, Philly? I get the feeling that this isn't all about the hug," He whispered. Phil turned around to face him and Dan could feel his heart break as he looked at the crying boy. "T-t-t-they h-h-urt m-me," Phil stuttered, confirming both suspicions that Phil was bullied and abused. Though, he was unable to understand fully what had happened to make Phil so terrified of sudden touch, he gathered that it was extremely bad. Sighing deeply, he got comfortable next to Phil as it was almost midnight considering the late arrival time of Dan at the carehome. He pulled the blankets over them before placing a small kiss on Phil's forehead and whispering "Go to sleep, Phil, I'll protect you."

Another whimper emerged from Phil's lips as he pouted, not wanting to sleep and leave his new friend alone. He shook his head but his massive yawn spoke for him. As if Dan could sense his unwillingness he grabbed his iPod and placed a earphone in one of Phil's ears and one of his before pressing play on his playlist of music he would use to soothe himself at night. With a deep sigh, Dan draped his arm loosely around Phil's waist as they both drifted to sleep to the lyrics of Illuminated, Hurts. And though Phil was a dark mystery that Dan wanted to solve, for the moment he was more than content to lay beside the younger boy protecting him from anything he feared. 

*************************************


	2. Chapter 2

They couldn't have been asleep that long as when Dan woke with a frightened start and with the feeling that something wasn't right, he had grumpily stared out of the window as he noticed that the moon was still out and nobody else was up in the care-home. He was trying to see if there was something wrong for him to have been woken at such an ungodly hour, he usually slept through the night; dead to the world and then rolled out of bed the next morning only after his alarm clock had blared out Muse for a good ten minutes.

He looked down at Phil, about to smile when he realized that the sleeping boy next to him was probably the reason he had woken. Arms flailed wildly as if trying to run away from something and with deep wrinkles of anxiety etched onto his ashen face, Phil gasped and cried out into the silence of their bedroom, filling the room with his terror. Dan was at a loss for what to do, how on earth was he supposed to wake Phil up when the boy didn't like to be touched? He tried to settle for facing Phil and attempting to whisper calm words into his ears to create an air of calmness in the hopes that Phil would feel soothed, but when one of Phil's flailing fists hit him squarely in the face and he could feel blood slowly starting to drip from his nose, he realized he had to wake Phil up at all costs before one of the social workers ran in. Dan wasn't entirely sure of the social workers yet, he didn't know if any of them would help or if they were as bad as he had imagined. 

Phil's state worsened as he cried out in a harsh, frantic scream but underlying there was a melodic voice than Dan could only imagine was beautiful when not begging at unknown fears. "Dad, p-p-please no! I'l-l be g-g-ood b-b-b-oy I-I I promise! Please don't hit me, DAD!" Phi screamed out, tears coursing down his face like rivers, "I won't-t t-t-tell anyone; I swear!" Dan could feel his heart plummet at Phil's words as anger surged through his veins, he wasn't sure if he would be able to wake Phil up without feeling the need to punch the wall and risk further scaring Phil. 

Dan took the headphone that had fallen out of Phil's ear and placed it in there once more as he had done when they had both fallen asleep earlier that night before playing an episode of some random Anime he used to watch when he was Phil's age and downloaded it as an audio file for when he couldn't be bothered to listen in class. He hoped the common theme tunes and voices of the characters would be able to get through to Phil better than he'd been able too; he couldn't afford to be too loud waking Phil as he wasn't sure about how the social workers would react, he couldn't afford for he and Phil to be placed in different rooms. 

He messed up his own bed quickly and chucked pillows down to the floor to make it seem as if he had slept in there all night to avoid any questions from the care workers if they did come in to their room. He couldn't risk being taken away from Phil, especially now when it seemed as if the younger boy was starting to put some trust in him.He couldn't jeopardize how far Phil had come, even though it was barely anything; it was a start at least. 

After what seemed like an eternity Phil bolted up straight, panting and gasping for air, eyes wild with panic like a feral animal. Dan was about to lay a hand on Phil's shoulder when the younger boy bolted from the bed they had both slept in and ran out of their room hastily before he had slammed the door to their bedroom, as he dashed down the corridor to the bathroom. Dan barely had time to acknowledge what had happened before he heard Phil retching into the toilet violently and the muffled voice of the head-care worker, Scott. For a while that's all he could hear was Phil sobbing and the soft voice of Scott as he tried to soothe the distraught boy. After Phil had stopped being sick, Dan heard him and Scott slowly heading down the corridor back to their room. He hopped up onto the top bunk and faced the wall as he kept his eyes open to make sure he could get a glimpse of Phil. He let out some muffled breaths into the pillow as he tried to make it look as if he was asleep and hadn't been too disturbed by Phil's vicious nightmare. 

Scott brought Phil into the room, surprising Dan by having an arm around the boys shoulders and waist as he lugged an almost sleeping Phil back to bed. Scott stared down at Phil and the iPod that was still unlocked and playing an Anime, before shaking his head and smiled it as he moved it on to their dresser and placed Phil in bed underneath Dan's bunk. He could hear the feeble whispers of a shattered Phil as he resisted sleep, obviously to afraid to be submitted to another nightmare that same night. Dan could just make out the words of "Hold on just one minute, Phil. You won't have another nightmare tonight, I promise." 

After he had stroked the mussed up hair of the sleepy boy, Scott stood up and called out to Dan, "I know you're not sleeping, can we have a word outside a minute, please?" They left the room together as Dan cast cautious looks back at Phil to check that he was alright. He felt to protective of the boy to just leave him in the dark when he had just had such a rough night.

"Wait, Scott, shouldn't we leave the light on for him, what if he gets scared?" A look of surprise flit across Scott's face before he nodded in agreement and flicked the light on for Phil before he shut the door behind them. Dan was about to explain to Scott that he hadn't done anything to make Phil scared and sick but his words were cut off by the grave tone of the care worker.

"Dan; I know you didn't upset Phil, I can tell how hard you're trying for Phil to trust you. I was the one who shut your curtains and saw the two of you tucked up together." He smiled as he remembered his shock at seeing the two boys cuddled up next to each other, Dan's arm loosely draped over Phil's torso and Phil's head tucked in the crook of Dan's neck. 

"For the last year, I've been the only person that Phil would allow to touch him, he only showed his emotions in front of me. The only times he ever cried was when he was in his room or when he was with me. Otherwise he was this collected facade, I tell you Dan, it was scary, he's so young and yet so hurt. I only tell you this because I know if Phil lets anyone in, then he'll get attached very quickly; he wouldn't leave my side for two weeks when he first moved here last year." Scott frowned as he pictured the ways Phil used to be and for the majority of the time how he still was.

" Phil, well he hasn't had the best life before coming here, more so than the rest of the kids here I'll admit. His parents neglected him, ignored him from birth, that's why he hates the quiet room so much, it reminds him of the silence of when he was locked in. Unfortunately it's standard social services procedure for a child to be safely put in the quiet room until they've safely worked off their anger. His parents soon moved on to abuse alongside the neglect, Phil won't tell us the full extent of what happened to him but we need to know Dan, if we don't build up enough evidence against Phil's parents they could still gain rights to visit Phil. You've probably already realized that Phil barely talks, don't pressure him into it, he has his little book, he's happy to communicate with that. "He placed his hand on Dan's shoulders as he sensed that the boy was probably in shock after hearing about Phil's past, he knew he certainly was when Phil had finally started confiding in him. 

"It's getting late now, kiddo. Why don't you head back in there next to Phil and keep him safe?" Scott explained and as Dan turned away he was called once more, "And Dan? Thank you, I get the feeling that you're going to help Phil better than any of this therapists or social workers and maybe even me. Goodnight, Dan Howell." Dan smiled at his words before he walked back into the room he had already so quickly come to love and cuddled up next to Phil, ready to protect his boy from anything and anyone with every fiber of his body.


	3. Chapter 3

"Jesus, the boy just couldn't catch a break could he?" He muttered to himself when the alarm went off the next morning and he had awoke to an empty bed and the familiar sounds last night of Phil retching in the bathroom once again. A surge of anger washed through him as he thought of Phil's dad and how he was the one who had caused the younger boy to be so afraid of everything. White hot fury built up in his mind and caused his muscles to clench unconsciously,tensing with the ferocious squeeze of a python. He could still hear the echo of Phil's nightmare induced cries in his head, could still see how scared the boy was when he'd awoken, as he had gasped for breath before running out of the room in blind terror. He could just picture a scared baby Phil curled in a corner, left by himself for days with no one to look after him as he wailed in loneliness and hunger and sadness. 

His fist had hit the wall before he'd even had time to comprehend what was happening. Pain swelled up inside of him but he was gone past caring, he wanted to hurt the people who had hurt Phil, but he couldn't. What could he do? He was just a mere fourteen year old boy who stayed inside all day and watched too much Anime and YouTube. He tried to calm himself, taking deep breaths and rationalizing that if he got the full the truth out of Phil, then the younger boy wouldn't have to see his father anymore and then Dan would have helped Phil in a way that nobody else had been able too. 

 

He lept off Phil's bed and down the small corridor to the bathroom and knocked hastily against the door, "Phil, are you okay in there? I heard you being sick, do you need a glass of water or a cuddle or something?"The only reply he received was the sounds of sobbing, even harsher than that of the night before. Dan was about to leave and get Scott but he could hear the sounds of building screams and stopped dead in his tracks, wondering if Phil was having some sort of breakdown. He knew this was due to some sort of fear of Phil's and anger welled up him again as he cursed the injustice of everything and everyone and how they all seemed to hurt Phil. He could feel himself shaking, fists clenched up into balls by the side of him,as fury coursed through his veins. He tried to calm down for Phil, to help Phil but he couldn't the anger just kept on pulsing and the blood kept pumping viciously around him. 

 

When he came out of his trance of anger, it was to the sound and sight of Scott as he soothed him, crouched in front of him so he could make eye contact with him. "Dan, it's okay. You don't need to be angry at Phil, he doesn't mean to get so upset," he reprimanded him carefully, misunderstanding Dan's anger entirely. 

 

Shock struck through Dan as he scowled at Scott before half shouting, "I'm not angry at Phil, I'm angry for Phil and whatever those sick bastards did to him to make him so afraid of everything!"

 

Scott stared at Dan before smiling, wrapping an arm around the boy's shoulders. " Language Daniel but I'm glad Phil has you, Dan. But now we need to focus more on the matter at hand, getting Phil out of the bathroom and in a stable enough state to go to school." He drew a spare set of keys for every room in the care home out of his pocket before slowly twisting the key in the lock, allowing them to see into the bathroom. Phil was draped tearfully over the toilet seat, arms resting on the edge of it to stop his sweat drenched hair from getting near the result of his fear. Red rimmed eyes which overflowed with tears looked anxiously at Dan and Scott before he brought his head back over the toilet and dispelled his stomach again, heaving again and again as his exhausted stomach tried to find something to get rid of seeing as the boy hadn't ate since the morning beforehand, too afraid of Dan's arrival; forgoing dinner all together. Dan and Scott were immediately at his side, rubbing soothing circles into his back and hair, whispering how it would be okay. Dan dropped to his knees next to Phil and just sat there in a comforting silence, occasionally dabbing the boys forehead with a cold flannel when he had stopped throwing up.

 

They had finally managed to drag Phil back to their room and stopped at the bed, sitting him upright so he was leaning against Scott's chest. Dan felt a flare of jealously, he wanted to be the one Phil found comfort in before he realized that Phil had put his trust in Scott a long time before Dan had came to the home. He felt a dainty hand entwine with his and he smiled, staring at the pale fingers that were clenched in his. He let a smile drift across his features when he realized that Phil was trying to cheer Dan up, even though it was Phil who was so torn up.

 

"S-s-sco-t-t, ca-can I s-st-t-stay h-h-home from-m sch-hool today," Phil begged anxiously as Scott and Dan felt their hearts plummet at the evident fear in the Phil's voice. Dan was just about to nod yes when Scott's words caused him to stop in his tracks. 

 

"Philly, you know Dan and I would love you to just stay here where we know you're safe but you have to go to school. You can't keep hiding forever, you know your counselor told you that you were bordering on extreme agoraphobia. Well, Dan and I, we want you to get better so you really need to go Phil. I'll have a special word with Miss Chomps on the phone so she knows to be easy on you today, okay?" Scott had tried to ration with Phil as Dan felt anxious at the thought of Phil being sent to school when he was in such a bad state. Phil just stared back at Scott with a look of horror before he gulped and nodded meekly, too scared of confrontation to argue.

"Dan and I are going to let you get changed out of your PJ's, whilst we have a quick word." Scott informed Phil, giving him no room for argument. Dan left with Scott once more, almost wincing at the memory of having to do so as well last night and the truth he had been informed of.

Scott placed a hand on his shoulder, "Nervous about starting back school?" He inquired , knowing that it was always hard for kids to go back to school after being admitted to care.

Dan shook his head in response, "Nope, I don't let people knock me around, they'll soon see that they still won't get one over on me anytime soon." Scott smiled at Dan's bravado as he caught a small glimpse of uncertainty in the eyes at the prospect of a new term but now as a care kid.

 

"Maybe that's for the best then, Dan, as I really need you to look out for Phil. You're only two years older than him, I'm not asking you to cast away all of your friends and just be with Phil, only take care of him, okay? I know it may not be the coolest thing to do but Phil reacts violently to any situation if he gets overwhelmed, scared or upset, make sure if you can that he's not alone if he's having problems breathing or is crying; the school are aware of Phil's behavioral tendencies and will ring me if you inform them. Phil is in the additional support classes, he's incredibly smart but because of his behavioral problems when he gets scared, it's best for him to be away from the hustle of main school classes." 

 

Dan nodded to everything, knowing immediately that he would try to stay besides Phil at all times, he didn't like the people he had to put up with as friends now anyway. "Wait, Scott!" He called to the retreating man, "Is Phil getting bullied?" He whispered.

 

Scott stared back at Dan with sad eyes before confiding, " We think so, he comes home a lot with bruises or he's crying, but he won't tell us why. Claiming he fell or tripped down the stairs, we've tried to inform the school but without no definite proof or names off Phil they can't do anything and Phil hardly talks about happy things, never mind things that make him unhappy. You've seen his recent black eye, yes? Poor boy swears that he tripped on his way to school. Maybe you could be his saving grace, Dan." And with that Scott headed downstairs to greet the other kids or wake the ones that had slept through their alarms, leaving Dan to stand alone in the middle of the corridor as he tried to comprehend why people couldn't just leave his Philly alone. 

 

When he entered the room, Phil was fully dressed in black skinny jeans, a shirt, red tie, black blazer and black converse, the same as what Dan wore to school too. He noticed the tremble of the younger boys hands as he took them in his own before pulling him close and whispering, "It's okay Philly, I got you, we'll get through this day together. I won't let anyone hurt you today, not ever."

 

In hindsight, Dan shouldn't have made that promise. He got the sick feeling that he wouldn't be able to keep it, especially today...


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to fall apart when you have no one to hold you together.

For Dan, school was pretty much uneventful for him that morning , much like every other day of school really. Only, this time he had to keep a special eye out for a skinny black haired boy at all times, he knew that Scott didn't say he had to monitor Phil constantly but he felt the need too. He just got the feeling that Phil wasn't telling him or Scott everything about what was happening to him at school. 

He tried to avoid the gang he used to bother with as much as he possibly could, a twinge of fear grabbing at him from the back of his mind that they'd reject him for being a care kid. It wasn't as if he actually give a shit about them, he had Phil now; plus he still had Alfie, Louise, Troye and Tyler. The rest of them could do one for all he cared, they'd never been real friends to him, just people who tried to get him high or drunk as a tag along to their big social parties. 

As sad as it seemed he knew he would have to keep Phil a secret from people like Marcus Butler and his gang; they'd pulverize the small boy to a pulp if they could get their hands on him. That's just how they operated; picking on the smaller kids because they couldn't do anything back or tell anyone; isolating them in their own minds. He really fucking hated them. Just thinking of Phil begging that morning to stay home from school, sent anger coursing through his veins and he had to take gulps of oxygen through a spaced count to make sure he didn't lose it right there. 

He was drawn out of his thoughts by a smiling Alfie who had his arm around a girl who even to Dan, who was gay, was beautiful. "Hey buddy, you look distracted; got your eye on somebody then?" He laughed back at Alfie, giving him a joking push. Alfie was one of the few people who Dan had told he was gay and he was incredibly supportive of Dan and his choices. His mouth turned up into a smirk because he literally did have his eye on somebody, a very small, scared somebody who he worried was getting upset by himself. 

He thought back to Phil's silence and shaky replies to his questions on the way to school and a scowl soon found his way to his face as he searched more frantically through the sea of student for Phil.  
*********************************  
They walked by each other in compatible silence on the walk to school, happy to be near each other. Well, at least Dan was. Phil kept looking nervously behind him as if he was waiting for someone to pop out and scare him. Every time Phil spotted anyone, they didn't necessarily have to be in their school uniform, he would hunch himself over, walking so fast that Dan worried he would break out into a full on sprint and he would have to actually do exercise to keep up with the frightened boy.

"Phil, why do you look as if you're expecting someone? Do you usually walk to school with someone else?" Dan had mused out loud, determined to at least solve some of Phil's mystery.

Phil had just stared at his shoes miserably before glancing up at Dan from behind his fringe. As Phil usually kept his head down due to his minimal self confidence, Dan had completely forgotten about the black eye that stood out ostentatiously on the milky white canvas of Phil's face. 

"Fuck, I mean, crap. Phil, how did you get that bruise around your eye and spare me the bull shit you told Scott about falling down the stairs at school, we both know that's not true." He softly demanded, wanting information but not wanting to frighten Phil. They'd both stopped now but Dan wasn't worried about time, Phil was worth being late and getting a detention over and plus, Phil had made them leave early that morning, not telling him why. Dan was glad now though it gave him time to try and help Phil before school, even though he had resented it when they were walking out of the door at the same time Dan would of probably been getting up yesterday. 

Phil had just stared at his shoes again and shrugged his shoulders, wanting nothing more than to go back to the care home and hide away. He didn't think he could cope with school anymore, not the students, not the teachers, not the lessons, not the additional support classes they had put him in but most definitely not the bullies.

Dan as if he could sense Phil's growing dread, crouched in front of the boy before whispering, " You know you can tell me anything; right Philly?" He desperately wanted Phil to be able to confide in him, he wanted to be the one to fix Phil and show him hope in the world again. Phil looked past him, not meeting his gaze again, seemingly suddenly interested in the trees around him. Dan knew that Phil could hear him just fine but let it go, knowing Phil was likely to get agitated the closer they got to the school and didn't need Dan bringing up painful memories to add insult to injury. 

Dan stood up, bruising non-existent dirt off of his collar before he stepped closer to Phil and walked by his side until they had got to the school. Dan was about to hug Phil and wish him good luck and tell him that he could come find him if he needed anything, but the pale faced boy had already ran away from him, in the opposite direction of the school, immediately being swallowed by the crowd and lost in the throng of students.

Dan had to just stand and stare as a feeling of unease grew inside of him.  
**********************************  
"Mate, are you sure you-" Alfie's words were cut off by the bell for first lesson. With one last searching look, Dan span on his heels as he began the assent of stairs into the school building.  
*********************************  
Phil's day was rather different. That was one way to generally sum up everything about Phil and school; different. He had different classes, different lessons, different break times, different speaking activities, different everything and he was sick of it. He wanted to be normal for once, just for one day. He wanted nothing more than to be average, to just sink into the crowd of students and not be noticed; he wanted to be mediocre, average, the same as everyone else. Instead, he was above average intelligence, skipping two school years for his work. Sure he was still in year seven, but his work was was up to that of the standard of a year nines, the teachers even said it was probably better. That's not what he wanted, being average wouldn't have him being beaten up everyday at school. 

As soon as he and Dan had gotten near the school he bolted, turning fast on his heels in the completely opposite direction. Unable to cope with the idea of going back. He headed behind the school towards the large expanse of trees which he would be able to climb easily due to his slenderness. He could thank his parents for that and he almost chuckled from the sick irony; almost. 

When he was as comfortable as he could be in the large oak tree, he contemplated how it had got to this point. He was eleven, surely most kids his age would be merry with excitement at the prospect of meeting up with their friends again after the holidays. 

That wouldn't apply to Phil though, he had no friends here, only enemies who wanted nothing more than to hurt him at any given opportunity. 

In the distance he could hear the bell for second lesson as he climbed swiftly back down the tree and headed inside the school building.

"Metal carbonates are also bases and have specific reactions, refer back to your books for exemplars of ones we have already studied," He heard Miss Chomps' voice ring out from the outside the classroom. Deep breaths, he rationalized with himself, you're on a free lesson now, you just have to go in there and get your registration mark so Scott doesn't find out that you skipped earlier. He cautiously opened the door and peered inside, "Would anybody like to give me an example of one of the- Oh, Phil. You're late again," She stared at him disapprovingly, "Your care worker rung me this morning to say-" she clamped a hand over her mouth as she realized what she had just disclosed to her class, her eyes brimming with regret.

Phil felt his heart pounding in his chest as he bolted from the classroom, the words of the class practically screaming in his head "It's Freaky Phil!" "Someone get it out, the stupid fuck up might infect us all." The voices were too loud and they hurt, God they really hurt. A fire felt as if it was burning inside his lungs as he struggled to find oxygen before he bolted out of the school and back under the oak tree, too weak to climb it, settling for laying under it, just to rest his eyes for a while.   
*********************************  
Dan Howell had been having a normal day of school up until second lesson when he heard what happened with Phil and how the younger boy had fled the building .With shaking fingers sent a text to Scott frantically, "Scott, Phil's gone missing and he was in a bad state before he did." Heart pounding in his chest, he fell back into his chair, hands supporting his head as he cursed Scott for making Phil come to school that day.


	5. Chapter 5

Dan had left school early that day. He didn't give a fuck what they'd all say, his Phil could be hurt or scared, he could be having a panic attack; anything could be happening and Dan wasn't there to help and soothe him this time. He should of never let Phil out of sight, the poor boy was obviously worried when he ran away from him earlier that morning, how could he have just let Phil hide like that? Scott was going to be furious! He had one job; look after Phil! And what did he do? The complete opposite! 

As soon as he sees Phil, he swears he going to just shove the kid in a blanket cocoon for the rest of his school years or at least until those dicks stop bullying him. He tries not to let his stomach curl so dangerously tightly when he thinks of how low Phil must have felt to run away and how scared he must be for him not to answer anyone's calls or texts. Dan had left loads and knew Scott had too, they both cared so deeply for the little raven haired boy that they stopped what they were doing just to try and get hold of him and sort things out. 

10:18 am: Dan

"Please Phil, answer our phone calls."

10:19 am: Dan

"Or at least text me or Scott."

10:24 am: Scott

"Phil; I need to know your safe as your care worker, this is essential Phil. Last time you went missing the police were involved and when we found you, you were covered in blood. Please don't put yourself through that trauma again, Phil. Don't put me through that and you definitely can't put Dan through that. Text us Phil."

10:56 am: Scott

"We've given you long enough to collect your thoughts Phil, so either you're deliberately ignoring our calls or you're really upset and I'm concerned that it's the latter. Phil, as someone whose woken you up from nightmares, hugged you, held your hand when you're sick every night; I'm worried about you. Please just come home Phil, you don't have to tell us what happened just yet. Just please, Phil; be safe."

14:52 pm : Dan

"Phil, please, I've searched everywhere. There's a forest behind the school but that's too big and dark for you. I swear to God Philip Michael Lester when you get home I'm going to give you the biggest cuddle in all your life, get your ass home now! Please Phil, you're all I have left of anyone who cares for me too, hell my mum dumped me in this place, please Phil. Please, just come home now. You won't be in any trouble, none at all. I promise I wont let them shout at you or scare you."

Three 'o' clock came and went and with every excruciatingly slow tick of the clock, Dan's anxiety grew. He wanted Phil back, safe in his arms, where he belonged. He wanted Phil home with him so they could watch anime with the light out and talk about whatever had happened for Phil to shut himself off to everyone today. He wanted to watch Adventure Time with Phil and let him try to talk about the character but at the same time be completely fine if Phil didn't want to talk. Dan just really wanted Phil to come home.

As three 'o' clock changed into four and four into five, Dan paced faster around the room they shared together, feet a blur across the carpet. "Dan, you're going to wear a hole in the carpet," Scott chided gently as he slid into the room and perched on the end of the bed. 

"Why hasn't Phil come home yet?" Dan whined like petulant child who had been denied candy by his parents. "Is Phil going to be okay?" He whispered to Scott, scared to speak those words as it made it seem like he wanted to give up on the boy already. 

Scott stared at him and ran his hand through the little spikes in his hair. "As protocol when things like this happen, we contact the child's therapist and see if they can give us an insight from a professional medical perspective of what they think about the child and how they think the child will recover from whatever they've suffered from. Phil's therapist, well, she wasn't exactly encouraging on the matter. This incident has already been reported to Phil's social worker and last time he did something like this there was talk of sending him to a care home about two hours away for vulnerable children. If he doesn't come home in an hours time, we're going to have to notify the police, as part of the looked after children act we have to consider the option that Phil is in trouble or has run away or is involved with activities from negative influences."

Dan frowned before standing up angrily, fists at his sides, a deep red tinge highlighting his cheeks in fury. "What are you trying to tell me Scott! That Phil's not going to get better, that he's doing drugs! Because he will get better, he fucking will you hear me? I'll make sure of it, I'll dedicate my whole fucking life to it if I have to! And what are you trying to insinuate, my Phil is precious, have you seen how FUCKING INNOCENT HE IS SCOTT? HAVE YOU!" By this point tears had pooled in Dan's eyes and leaked down onto the floor as he sobbed as he imagined the worst scenarios of what could happen to Phil. 

Scott stepped forward from his docile stance which was to deter anger away out of the child and show them they were not at threat. He sat down on the floor besides Dan, much like Dan had done for Phil the night previously. 

"Dan, I can't guarantee that Phil is safe right now and I know that's what you want me to tell you, that's he's safe but I can't. Phil's in rough mental state at the moment, he's only a little boy but he's been through too much for so long." He paused for a moment as he threaded his hand through Dan's hair to calm him. "What you need to understand is that Phil isn't a project, Dan. You can't just give up half way, it's going to be a difficult task. I'll give Phil another hour before I call the police okay? And Dan? All the young people who live here are asked to do some form of therapy, you don't have to decide on yours yet but I'd like you to consider anger management, even if it's only for Phil." He stood slowly, eyeing Dan carefully to check if the boy was stable enough for him to leave. He smiled at him as he saw Dan stand and lie down in Phil's bed.   
**********************************  
Rain pelted down vehemently when Dan awoke from his unintentional slumber. Dazed, he rubbed his eyes tiredly, he hadn't realized that he was that exhausted. 

"WHERE THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'VE BEEN PHILIP?" The voice of another care worker echoed angrily all around the house. Dan bolted down the stairs as fast as he could to greet Phil with a massive hug. He was about to lunge at the boy and wrap his arms around him but stopped in his tracks and let his arms fall to his side.

Phil was stood in the middle of the doorway soaking wet to the point where his hair and clothes dripped rain water onto the floor leaving sodden puddles on the carpet. Violent sobs erupted from his chest as he shivered miserably. Tears rained down his cheek mirroring the weather outside, he kept sobbing, his breath hitching constantly through the fear, making him unable to answer any of the questions he was being asked. 

"Philip; go to your room now! We will all be speaking about this later!" The care worker yelled at the crying boy. As Phil ran past Dan, he caught a glimpse of a bloodied and bruised face before Phil had completely vanished from Dan's sight.

Scott ran in at the sound of the disturbance and Dan almost laughed at the sight of Scott covering for the care home cook. Flour and egg yolked covered his face and apron, Dan got the distinct feeling that dinner was going to be late that night. He stared at Dan, the care worker and the running sobbing Phil retreating up the stairs, before a look of intense anger swept across his features. 

"You had no right to talk to him like that Tom! You're not his care worker or his social worker, that's mine and Mitch's job! You've read Phil's file, Thomas! You know what happened to him and how he deals with being shouted at." Scott fired at his co worker as he seethed with anger, "We'll be discussing this later," he spat.

"C'mon Dan, let's go wait outside the room for Phil. He may not want to see us, so don't be too disheartened," he muttered. 

Inside the room they could hear hysterical sobbing and coughing as Phil choked on his sobs. Loud crashes could be heard as they guessed that Phil was throwing things and breaking items of his room. Dan wanted nothing more than to run in there and scoop the boy up and hug him forever more but Scott gave him a warning look and shook his head. They stayed outside the room for ages, Dan whispering softly through the door but to no avail. Phil kept the door blocked with furniture and kept silent apart from his still present sobs.

Scott sighed before he stood and offered Dan a hand up, "We might as well for now. Come on, we'll get you some dinner and then you can sleep in one of the spare rooms for tonight, maybe that'd be for the best for a while anyway. I'll have to make a call to Phil's social worker, " Scott tried to comfort Dan as he wrapped an arm around his shoulder and led him away from the suffocating feeling of Phil's sadness. 

**********************************************************************************

Dinner that night had been a somber affair, the lack of Phil and of Scott and Dan's laughter was evident to everyone. Dan had just picked miserably at his food, his mind was a ball of panic for Phil and with every passing moment he seemed to wind himself up further and further. In the end he couldn't take any more of it and stood up, scraping his chair against the floor and left the room in a frenzy, determined to get answers out of Phil. 

He hadn't even got to the staircase when a firm had had clasped around his shoulder. Silently he fumed, knowing exactly who it was as he turned and met the bright blue eyes of Scott and who he presumed to be Phil's social worker, Mitch Grassi. "Dan, don't okay? Mitch is going to go have a chat with Phil about what happened whilst you can help me get a room set up for yourself for the night, alright?" Scott had asked softly but Dan knew it was a demand, he had no choice but to go with Scott even though he wanted nothing more than to be with Phil, watching some Anime together. 

He followed Scott up the stairs, picking up on the fact that he was being taken to the floor above Phil's, Scott had already guessed that Dan would try to sneak in with Phil during the night otherwise. They had only just started stripping the old bed sheets and putting new ones on when Mitch had come bursting through the door, gasping for breath as he had ran up the flights of stairs in such a haste. "Scott, we have to get Phil into the quiet room," Mitch panted.

"Mitch, are you sure? You know Phil doesn't-" Scott's words were cut short by the look on Mitch's face and they had both bolted from the room and down the stairs to Phil before Dan even realized what was happening. From below he could hear whimpers of fear from Phil as Mitch and Scott took him to the quiet room and Dan stayed in the room Scott had given him for the night as he punched the wall several times, tears coursing down his face in anguish because he could now understand why Scott had said that fixing Phil was going to be hard.

Dan had lay on his bed for what felt like hours, his ears alert for any sounds of Phil but none ever came. As dusk faded into night, Scott entered his room armed with hot chocolate and a concerned look on his face. "Phil?" Dan had immediately demanded. 

"Dan, Phil has to stay in the quiet rooms tonight. He's in a bad state, whatever happened when he went missing has really traumatized him. We had to put him in the quiet room because we were concerned he was in danger of posing a threat to himself and we were right," Scott whispered.

Dan sighed miserably, he wanted to be there to comfort Phil. Scott sat next to Dan on the bed before handing him the steaming cup of hot chocolate as he noticed the state of Dan's hand. Dan noticed Scott's reprimanding looks at what he had done to his knuckles and sighed again before muttering "I'll do the anger therapy, I have too really. If I want to help Phil I can't be punching walls and loosing my temper every time something upsets me because I get the feeling that there's a lot of things that Phil hasn't told anyone about his past that could upset me."

Scott nodded his agreements before he left Dan's room, returning immediately with a first aid kit from the bathroom. "You're right, Dan. But don't do this solely for Phil, do it for yourself too, okay?" He asked whilst cleaning up Dan's bloodied knuckles before wrapping a tight bandage around the hand that was swiftly bruising. 

Dan paused and winced at Scott's actions before he asked, " Did Phil get beaten up?" Scott stared at Dan, sadness apparent in his eyes before he answered with a sigh of "We don't know that for definite Dan, but we're assuming so. Phil was in no state to talk to us, I don't think he noticed we were even there he was that far gone into his panic, he could barely breathe the poor kid." Dan saw the tears starting to brim in Scott's eyes before he had turned out of the room and called out a "Goodnight Dan." 

Dan let his head fall back onto the pillows, not bothering to pull the sheets up over his body. He had a plan and was now more determined than ever to find out more about Phil. Pledging to himself that when everyone was sleeping he would sneak into the office and find Phil's file and would hopefully start to solve the mystery that was Phil Lester.

His mind was a swirl of confusion, just what had Phil done that night that made him a danger to himself? His stomach fell as he guessed the answer and not for the first time since coming to the care home, Dan prayed that Phil was going to be alright.


	6. Chapter 6

AN// Thank you guys for your reaction to this phanfiction, it makes me so happy! Big thank you to everyone who votes and comments on all of the chapters, there's a hell of a lot more to come! :3 just to clarify; Phil is almost twelve, Dan is fourteen.

He'd only just tip-toed down the stairs when he'd started to regret his decision to find Phil's file. The whole care home was so dark that even the moon outside offered no comfort to Dan who crept through the shadows silently. He tried to keep as quiet as possible, taking care not to step on the loose floorboard or the creaky stair on the left. All around him was emptiness, or at least it felt that way as the darkness of the winter night masked everything in Dan's sight. Normally Dan would never so much as step out of his room after the sun had set unless every light was on leading to the room he needed to be in. But this was different. This was for Phil and it was important and he had to do this. 

He was well aware that he could get in a ton of shit for this. Files were confidential, they had a care kids deepest information in them, why they were in care, how fast they settled, problems they had and were having and just down to things they didn't like. They had everything. The risk of a ton of trouble didn't matter to him though, he needed to understand Phil's past better to be able to help him as best as he possibly could.

 

He made his way to the office where he knew that Scott would keep their files, never once pausing to regret his decision. He had to do this; for Phil. What if he said something or did something that could unknowingly hurt Phil? No, this was what had to be done, there was no other way. 

He already knew where the files were hidden, he'd sneaked into Scott's office during the day and found the spare key so he could get back in later.  He crept over to the filing cabinet as quietly as he could, not sure if there were any lose floorboards in Scott's office before inserting the key into the lock and pulling Phil's file out as soon as he spotted it. 

Full name: Philip Micheal Lester

Preferred name: Phil 

Reason for being taken in to care: Severe physical, emotional and mental abuse and neglect (Dan felt his hands curl into fists at this)

Social service involvement: Child Protection services were involved when teachers first started noticing that Phil was struggling to get through the day in school without severe panic and that more importantly, Phil was turning up to school with frequent injuries. Within a short period of time this condition deteriorated drastically and Phil stopped turning up for school, concerns were raised of his mental health and his teachers were asked for reports of how Phil was in school. After being told of the bruises that Phil would turn up at school with, Child Services when they investigated the matter further found Phil unconscious in his fathers bedroom with the door locked. He was thereby taken to hospital and after a lengthy stay at a protective unit at the national hospital, Phil was taken into care as a matter of urgency.

Settling in:  
When Phil first arrived at our home he struggled to settle. Incredibly shy and withdrawn it was decided that he would be given his own room after he suffered panic attacks at the prospect of being with someone in such close proximity. He struggled with being around the other children in our home and refused to come down to the dining room to eat, choosing instead to stay in his room and opting not to eat. As standard procedure Phil was asked to see a professional psychiatrist at our home for his therapy where it was disclosed to us and his social worker that Philip suffered with a severe anxiety disorder, PTSD and eating problems. His portions were reduced to accommodate his eating problems, however if it is seen that he struggles to eat at least two meals a day for more than one day then his social worker must be informed and a visitation to the doctor booked. Phil struggled with coming to terms with what happened to him and refuses to tell social services what has happened to him fully in the past; unfortunately as a result we cannot build a strong case against his parents. Phil suffered nightmares when he was settling in and to this day still does.

Well being:  
Phil suffers with an extreme anxiety disorder which is highly debilitating for him in his everyday life. From a combination of this and his PTSD; Phil suffers from violent nightmares which he struggles to wake up from. As his care worker, I am in charge of dealing with these and waking Phil up. A regular occurrence from these as of late has been Phil being sick after these nightmares, he refuses to talk about what happens in these nightmares but it is gathered that they are memories as Phil screams out about his father. Apart from his nightmares, Phil generally will not talk and uses a notepad and pen to communicate to people. Lately these nightmares and anxiety have been steadily worsening however Phil refuses to tell us why.

Social skills and development:

Phil as already noted is generally silent or mute for the best part by what has happened to him for the last eleven years. When Phil is more comfortable and wants to be able to communicate to a higher level a space in speech therapy will be arranged for him due to the mute-ism and stutter. Phil will not interact with the other children or teenagers in our home and chooses to draw, read or listen to music for countless hours instead. Attempts have been made to put him in social situations however these have been agreed by myself and his social worker to be stopped due to the extreme anxiety they evoke in Phil. 

Additional note: As of the first of December, Philip now has roommate, Daniel James Howell of whom is steadily building a very strong bond with our Phil.

School:

Phil is extremely intelligent and is placed in the highest classes for his lessons. At the age of eleven in year seven he works to the standard of a student in year nine, the prospect of early GCSE sittings in year eight or nine has been discussed, however at current it is agreed that Phil is already under too much pressure. Phil is in additional support classes due to how worked up he gets which drastically effects his behavior. Phil acts out in school when he gets anxious and will become disruptive by refusing to stay in school when this happens and in lessons. Concerns have been raised that Phil is being bullied and myself and Mitch have spoken to the headmaster and Phil's house master, Mr Butler. However Phil, despite our desperate and fervent attempts to get him to reveal the truth of what is really happening; will not tell us if anyone is hurting him. 

Additional note: The fifth of December, there was an incident regarding Phil running away from school and turning up three hours after the school finishing hours. When Phil arrived he was hysterical and in the midst of an anxiety attack after being shouted at for being late. He immediately went to his room and refused to come out by blocking the door. Later into the night, Phil had to be escorted into the quiet area due to the threat he could possibly pose to himself. Social worker will be seeing Phil due to the bruises he turned up with. 

Additional information:

Phil is highly attached to me and we think he is going to become attached to Daniel. He has already confided in Dan and has allowed Dan to comfort him, we have high hopes for their friendship. 

Overall, Phil is an anxious little boy who has suffered the hardships of a broken home. We hope after more therapy sessions, Phil may start to overcome some of the problems of his past and learn to become more open. He is a lovely child and we wish him all the luck in his future however we know that it is going to be difficult for him as concerns are again being raised of his ability to cope. A deterioration can be seen in his well being and coping mechanisms over this time, as a result we are upping his therapy sessions to three times a week.   
************************************  
Dan was saddened by what he had read and he wanted nothing more than to scoop Phil up and love him, like the boys parents should have. He couldn't wrap him mind around exactly what had happened to Phil and he felt sick at the sinking feeling that swam at the bottom of his stomach that this wasn't all Phil had gone through. He left Scott's office, being extremely finicky to put everything back in it's original, normal place as he knew just how much trouble he would be in if anyone found out he had been snooping. He'd probably be put on house detainment for a while and like fuck was he going to be staying in when the winter holidays were coming, he could practically taste all the winter hot chocolate's he wanted to take Phil to Starbucks for. 

As he left the office he could hear the sounds of harsh whimpers of Phil's nightmares creeping from underneath the door to the quiet area. The whimpers soon started to turn into cries and he could hear Phil as he shouted out for somebody, anybody to help him. He wanted to unlock the door to the quiet room and hug Phil to his chest and calm him down, Phil had gone through so much and yet the memories of everything he had gone through had to haunt him in his sleep. He felt indignant for Phil, the boy really had to deal with too much. The only was he could imagine Phil feeling was like an elastic band that had been pulled too far and was on the verge of snapping. He felt stinging tears prick at his eyes and dashed up the stairs before he stopped at the room he and Phil shared and surveyed the damage. 

It wasn't really what he expected, the way they'd described it made it seem as if Phil had gone on a violent rampage. In reality it was more that Phil had thrown a few things and ripped up a load of drawings that to Dan looked so perfect and intricate but Phil had obviously perceived them as rubbish and had torn them up in his anger. Glass was shattered across the floor and Dan had to be careful when he went across the room that he didn't get glass stuck in his skin, Phil had done one hell of a job at smashing things.

He hadn't really had the chance to explore his and Phil's room yet due to the days of non stop drama they had had. He knew he shouldn't do it and he knew that he didn't want to do it but he was worried about Phil and why Mitch and Scott were so desperate in the fact that Phil was a threat to himself. He wanted to check the room for himself to make sure that there wasn't anything in there that would make Phil a danger.

He started by taking the time to admire the collection of Anime posters Phil had built up. Totoro seemed to be his favorite as it pretty much covered the walls alongside pictures that Phil had done of Totoro with himself. Dan smiled at the artwork, he could practically sense the hard work and creativity that Phil had poured into each picture, it was intoxicating; he wanted to see more. He started at Phil's top draw, smiling at the tiny clothing that was Phil's size before he felt a flash of anger at the thought that Phil's petite size was due to years of abuse. He took a deep breath like Scott would remind him too when he could see Dan getting worked up and lessened the anger before returning to the matter at hand. Phil had a lot of Anime and band t shirts, he'd noticed and a smile graced his lips as he stared at the familiarity of the merch they both had. In the draw below was one full of socks of a rather resplendent variety and Dan remembered the odd socks that the younger boy always chose to wear after he had wondered why they weren't in pairs. That's when Dan saw it. A leather sketchbook hidden under the socks, concealed well from anyone who wasn't deliberately looking for something; he felt bad for snooping but maybe this was what he was looking for? Phil obviously had been trying to hide it away from everyone. 

Dan lifted out a shaking hand before he undid the clasp of the sketch book and gasped at the sheer talent in front of him. Pictures of everyone in the care home, of him, of Scott, Mitch, the children; all of them sketched out perfectly. On some pages were poetry that Dan had stop and read for ages, as he tried to discover the complex meaning behind Phil's words, so woefully mature for a boy his age. The next page was beautiful but so horrifying at the same time that it made Dan want to throw the book away from him but he couldn't, he was determined to get to the bottom of Phil's mystery no matter what. A graphic picture of a faceless child in a corner, a dark shadow looming over him angrily; Phil and his father. The child was faceless but it didn't need eyes or a mouth to show how absolutely terrified it was. Rigid posture with such negative body language that Dan could just tell that this child in the drawing was having a panic attack. Vertical words formed sentences that ran over the image and then horizontal down the image, spelling out insults upon insults. It was like a crosshatch of negative emotions and hatred that Phil had had to deal with throughout his life. 

"Dad says I'm not worth it-2007"

"Dad says I shouldn't have been born - 2008"

"Mum says she wishes she had drunk harder when she was pregnant with me - 2008"

"Dad says I deserve to die and he's going to kill me - 2009"

"Mum says I'm evil and horrible-2010"

"Teacher says I'm never going to get anywhere in life-2010" 

"What's the point anymore - Me 2010"

"I can't keep doing this-Me 2011"

And so it continued, the insults everywhere, coating the page in hatred. There were so many words on the page that someone as young as Phil shouldn't even know; words that Dan, who swore constantly didn't even say. Words stronger and more laced with hatred followed and it made Dan's head whirl with fear; what was going on in Phil's mind? The insults continued up until the very day that Phil had been taken into care and then there was another page; a once again faceless boy standing in front of a crowd of people that Dan imagined to be the other people at the carehome. Words like "faggot, sket,worthless, idiot, freak," were coming out of speech bubbles from the kids, so that was what had happened on Phil's first day here. Dan couldn't take looking at it any longer than he had too and threw it back where he found it and turned away to face the slim black box that was hidden under Phil's books. He opened the box with a sick feeling, already knowing what was going to be in there. 

And he was right. 

He bolted back upstairs as tears almost choked him and bumped into a figure moving down the stairs that he hadn't seen coming. He had to stop himself from stumbling against the person as weak tears blinded him, he didn't want who ever it was to even see the ghost of his tears, never mind the tears coursing down his face.

"Dan what are you doing up?" Scott questioned. 

Fuck, he thought. He delved his hand into his pocket and brought out the iPod that he took everywhere with him and held it up for Scott to see, "Couldn't sleep," he mumbled, "You?"

Scott looked at him and Dan was unsure whether he was going to be caught out but a look of tiredness was etched across Scott's face as he just sort of accepted what he was being told. "The quiet room's designed for the person in there not to be able to hear the noise of the house, it's supposed to calm them. Not for Phil it doesn't, we have a monitor connected to the room and the child head care workers room, Phil's had a really bad nightmare; I need to go help him out. I don't want him to get too worked up." 

Scott started to continue walking down the staircase before turning back and eyed him cautiously and with concern shining out, " Why are you crying, Dan? What happened?" Scott smiled at Dan comfortingly, hoping the kind face would assure Dan for whatever was bothering him.

Dan was about to jump in and beg Scott to come with him to see Phil but he knew it was pointless and instead barked out a snappy reply of, " don't want to talk about it," and passed Scott before settling back into bed, his head spinning with everything he had learnt that night.

Every time he tried to sleep his mind brought back the image of the frightened child in the book, cowering away from his own family  and Phil's hidden box. He had to tell Scott, this was their proof against Phil's father. Besides, he didn't think Scott realized how just not okay Phil actually was.


	7. Chapter 7

An// There's violence in this chapter, you've been warned. 

When he woke up under the tree he immediately wished he hadn't. His stomach swirled uneasily with his anxiety that grew by the every second that he was awake for. He could hear the loud noises of the school bell and the chatter of too many conversations from too many people. They echoed in his head and he couldn't focus. He couldn't pull out the single words and make them form sentences.

Structure; that's what Phil needed above anything else. He needed stability and solid structure that come with routine. He needed structure in everything, words, people, events; everything. His teacher said he was autistic but Scott said that until he was ready for tests or if he ever was, she couldn't tell him that. Phil didn't want tests, he didn't want people and noises and sights and sounds he wasn't comfortable with. 

That's why he was struggling now. It was half three and he was still at school, he should be starting to walk home by now. It would throw his whole day off now; he was supposed to walk home with Dan. 

Dan.

He was going to be so mad at him, he'd soon realize how much of a freak he was and then he'd leave him. He didn't think he could cope with that. Dan was secure and safe, he was structure. He didn't need routine when he was with Dan because Dan was all the structure he needed. Dan was the hard exterior, the brick outhouse of something feeble inside; a protector, defender. Phil liked that. 

He tried to think about Dan as he waited for the never-ending stream of students to die down. Scott had tried to get him to walk out with everyone once and he ended up hitting someone on accident. He never wanted to hurt anyone, not matter what they did to him and how much it damaged him because he knew how to felt to be beaten up by anyone and everyone; and like hell was he going to be the one who put anyone else through it. Since then, he'd wait in the classroom of his last lesson or head into the library if no one else was in there and he'd just wait. Sometimes he'd draw and other times he'd just think. Phil liked to draw, he liked the way he could manipulate images with his own imagination; he could give himself muscles and make himself strong enough to take on anyone who would dare scare him. If was different from just imagining being that person, drawing it and putting it down on paper made it real. That's why he was always so careful and concise with what he wrote down when he was talking to someone on; words were often spoken so carelessly, tossed into the atmosphere with no meaning and with nothing behind them. But when he wrote something to talk, he knew he was already being judged for not talking and his handwriting and what he said and how he said it. The written word was just entirely so much more real; it was long-lasting, permanent and no matter how much you tried to get rid of the words, they would always be there. The imprint of the pencil and words scratched onto the next piece of paper, stopping you from forgetting what was there. 

He needed something to do. His hands were shaking with a ferocity that chilled him. He didn't want to stay here any longer than he had too but he didn't want to leave; what would happen if he just stayed here instead of going back to the care home? He'd be free then, no one would touch him or shout at him or hit and hurt him; he'd be safe. Properly safe, not like in the care home. He'd never been safe before; he always had to be on guard for a violent fist swinging down at him or worrying about whether he'd have a meal that day because he hadn't been fed for three days before it. 

Phil wasn't stupid. He knew that his father was going to request to see him soon and then he'd be in for it. Scott had told him before that if he admitted what had happened to him with the detail of how long it had gone on then they'd be able to do more. He couldn't; it hurt too much to say it. It hurt too much to even think about it, "Hi, my name is Phil and my father beat me black and blue and left me for dead numerous times." No. They couldn't find out what happened to him, they'd realize how much of a freak he was and then Dan would leave him forever. Don't talk about what happened and then they won't make you keep reliving the memories of it. Scott said he'd be safe forever if he told but he couldn't and Scott needed to just accept that Phil would never be safe. There was always someone who would want to hurt him. 

His head was starting to pound; he was thinking too much. He stood up on increasingly wobbly legs and struggled to stammer over to the school doors, he really needed someone, anyone, a kind face to help him. He couldn't deal with panic attacks alone, he had to find someone. 

He managed to struggle into the school, his hands shaking. There were too many people looking at him, they all knew what had happened.   
"Oi Freak!"

"Where've you been then? Getting high, wouldn't put it past you, fuck up!" 

"You don't deserve to be liked, who the fuck would ever want a screw up like you!" 

The words were ringing in his head, echoing around. "Freak, unwanted, unloved." 

And then a sweet voice, calm and collected. Mrs Sugg, Joe and Zoe's mother. "Detention for a week, all of you!" 

Phil stood there, those words that his parents used to scream at him every night now being shouted at him by his peers, spiraling in his head. He wanted Scott; he wanted to go home. 

Mrs Sugg knelt down in front of him, trying to make herself a lower height than Phil so the obviously distressed boy wouldn't have to be afraid of her.   
"Are you okay, Phil?" She asked softly as she watched the tears roll silently down Phil's cheeks. She sighed before standing up and grabbing Phil's hand and leading him into her classroom and out of the way of the malicious eyes of various students who stayed behind after school had finished. 

Phil tried to shake off the hand around his own, being reminded of the times where his father would pretend he loved him again before hitting him, making the beatings all too worse. His father would hold his hand and smile at him, calling him "champ" and "his boy" then come night there'd be the sound of bottles clanking and Phil would know what was coming. He'd barely have time to hide, not that there was any point. His father would always get him eventually. That was the situation now; it was just a matter of time before his father found out where he was living. 

His chest was tightening, he was just biding his time really. It seemed silly really to pretend as if he was ever going to be protected from his father. 

"Phil can you hear me? It's okay, honestly. You're safe here, it's just you and me." 

Safe; a meaningless word. What would it mean for him to be safe, protected, maybe even loved?

Mrs Sugg's words were just going over his head. He had to get out of here. Scott; he'd protect him. He stood there sobbing before he heard, "I'm going to phone your care worker, okay Phil?" 

Scott couldn't know, he didn't want him to know how pathetic he was. That's all he seemed to be doing lately was getting upset. He shook his head violently before dashing out the classroom, out of the school, down the steps and out of the school yard.

His mind was swirling, what way was the carehome? He could see the outline of a group of student from his school approaching him and he felt his panic hitch in his throat again 

"Look boys! It's that freak."

They walked around him, forming a circle. Phil stared back at them with wide eyes, cerulean orbs welling with a fresh bout of tears. 

"Look the little faggots crying. Well, how about this. If you tell us to stop, just say anything to stop us then we'll leave. If you don't, well I don't think you'd want to know what will happen." 

He tried, he really did. To force the words out of his throat but they wouldn't come. He was too panicked, he tried to turn back and run again but the shaking off his whole body got the better of him and he ended up lying on the floor. His hands grazed and bleeding from the impact of flesh on sharp gravel. 

They all glared at him. The tallest of them bent down besides him, "Did you try to run away from us, Lester? Nobody turns their back on me, faggot!" He spat out scathingly. That was when it started. The hard fists raining down on him, knuckles digging into his prominent ribs. He tried to curl in on himself, remembering the rule he had learnt when he was four; protect the face, otherwise people will ask questions. He didn't want Scott to know what was happening, if he told, Scott would see the headmaster and then the bullies would be even more angry at him. 

They pulled his hands away his face and away from his head, holding his arms down on the floor as they kicked him in the face. Their shoes scuffing his face and making the dirt mix with his blood. He stopped trying to protect himself in the end, seeing as it was just making things worse really. 

They kicked him in the ribs twice before standing down on his arm, making a sickening crunch ring out in into the street. 

Excruciating pain swallowed him, his mind reeling from the sheer brute strength they had exerted on his wrist. He hadn't felt pain as bad as this since leaving his parents to go into care. Black spots started to appear in front of his eyes, masking his vision and anything in front of him. 

"Night night, fuck up!" They cackled at him, laughing. That was the last thing he could hear before he blacked out. It was an odd sensation, falling unconscious, like a painful sleep in the mud. Which essentially what it was, he mused, next time this happened he'd have to make sure it was on the grass.

Next time not if, but definitely next time. He couldn't try to delude himself that this wasn't going to happen again, because it would. It always did. With that depressing thought he let the inevitable darkness of unconsciousness consume him.

*************************************  
Everything hurt. His head was pounding with a vengeance that came from his beating. His stomach, ribs and back were excruciating and the pain that was in his arm which was before like an all consuming conflagration of pain had burnt out into numbness; he couldn't feel his arm at all. 

He looked down at his wrist, trying to determine whether it had simply stopped hurting because it was no longer a present pain; he was wrong. 

The whole length of his wrist was just essentially a giant bruise, criss-crossed hues of purple and blue. He felt sick just looking at it.

In that moment he realized just how much he deserved this. If he wasn't such a freak or a faggot then this wouldn't have happened, it would have never started happening in the first place. 

He lugged himself off the floor tiredly, his arms and legs, his whole body for that matter, felt too heavy for him to carry. He tried to hold back the tears that pricked at the corner of his eyes, he couldn't afford to be weak right now. That was how he got in this state. 

He managed to get his good arm into his pocket to pull out his phone from his pocket, praying that it wasn't broken. It was the first thing anyone had ever got for him new. Scott had bought it for him the first day the had arrived at the care home for Phil to always be able to keep in contact with him in any situation or when he needed him. 

There were too many messages on his phone, too many words, not enough structure; the words were spinning around in his mind and he couldn't focus on any of them.

He had no idea how he managed to find his way back to the care home. He hadn't even realized how badly it had been raining until he had arrived at the home and watched as the rain pooled around his feet and all over the floor. 

He was being shouted at. He didn't know by who or what for but he knew he deserved it. He didn't care what they were saying, he couldn't hear the words, they simply flew over his head. Leaving him confused and panicked. He could make out the outline of someone who looked like Dan. He wanted Dan and Scott but he wasn't sure if he could cope with them at the moment, they'd ask questions and want answers that Phil couldn't give. He could feel how fast his heart was pounding and it terrified him, he was scared someone would take advantage of his fear and hurt him again. He was sobbing now, fat tears rolling down his cheek at an alarming velocity. He bolted past Dan on the stairs, pushing past him as fast as his shaking legs could take him. He crashed into his bedroom, slamming the door then blocking it before collapsing into the corner. 

He wrapped his arms around his knees, rocking back and fore, his whole body trembling as it was racked by his violent sobs. He tried to calm himself, he didn't want to be panicking right now; he was already in too much pain as it was. He could feel a loud cry building in his throat and he couldn't repress it. He stood up in anger as his sobs rang out in to the room loudly. He could hear knocks at his door and faint callings of "Phil? Phil, are you okay!" He didn't care, he could feel something brewing in his veins. How dare they hurt him like this, why did everyone have to constantly hurt him! What did he do to deserve this? He picked up his drawings, the nearest thing to him and ripped them up. They were shit, rubbish, how did he honestly think they were good enough or even moderately okay? He screamed silently into his pillow, he couldn't keep living like this. It was a non stop battle of anxiety and sadness and nightmares and bullying.

It must have been almost bedtime for everyone in the carehome when he heard a knock at his door. He was more calm now, he could probably manage to see Scott now. He needed some comfort. 

He opened the door ready to face Scott but instead was faced with Oli White. Him and Oli had never had a good relationship, he'd constantly ridiculed him since he'd got to the home. He gulped nervously as he felt his stomach drop and then knot in anxiety.

"So," Oli drawled, "my mate says you got into a spot of trouble with them earlier so they've asked me to come sort you out to make sure you don't squeal on them." Then the next thing he knew the arm that he had fallen on was being twisted behind his back to the point of searing pain that sent spasms on fire through his body. Before a final punch to his face was being delivered. 

"Have a good night, freaky Phil." He spat out into the darkness of Phil's room.

He couldn't ignore it this time, the words couldn't leave him alone. It was as if he was blacking out and he was watching his body from a distance. He threw various glass objects at the walls watching as they shattered onto the floor leaving sharp shards everywhere. He could see Scott and Mitch in his room hoisting him up but he didn't know what they were saying. His lungs were burning and it was excruciating, even more so than the pain in his arm. He was being dragged into the quiet room and someone was sitting with him and trying to soothe him. He started to black out again then, from sheer lack of oxygen debt. 

This time the consuming darkness was a comfort and he slipped into it happily, desperate to forget everything that had happened that day.


	8. Chapter 8

Dan didn't really know how on earth he managed to fall asleep that night. His mind was reeling with everything he had found out but he still felt uneasy. He couldn't stop the thought that this wasn't all the carehome and the social knew about Phil, they were hiding information out of the file. Almost as if they were expecting something to happen and for Phil to leave so they didn't delve too far into Phil's mystery.

He was confused when he'd woken up to no Phil cuddled up next to him. The raven haired boy would usually be tucked into a tiny ball, shielding his body away from harm even in sleep. It was painstakingly cute but the reasoning behind it was sinister and a constant reminder of Phil's past and what he had gone through. The younger boy would have his thumb tucked into his mouth, not sucking but biting as if to distract himself from the horror of his nightmares and his thoughts before sleeping. Phil was so childlike and innocent in his sleep it just made him wonder even further how and why anyone would want to hurt Phil in any way; he was precious and adorable. 

He realized he had a goofy grin on his face when he'd been thinking of Phil. It gave him some comfort, if Phil could get through so much so far and could still put a smile on Dan's face then surely it wasn't too far gone for Phil to be fixed? He could see himself already growing old with Phil as his friend; the boys friendship was something that seemed permanent and sold like the rock Phil was for him. He'd calmed down Phil from multiple panic attacks and nightmares but their friendship certainly wasn't one sided. Phil kept him grounded, stopped him flaring up and losing his temper because he knew how delicate Phil was. And more than that it showed he wasn't entirely worthless; his own mother hadn't wanted him but Phil clearly did.

He pulled himself out of his temporary bed, that's all it was; temporary. He hated being away from Phil for such long periods of time whilst knowing that he was in so much emotional distress. He should have been there last night to comfort Phil, not Scott. Who cares if Phil was a possible risk to himself, that was no reason to put him in an environment that would trigger so many bad memories. They at least could of let Dan go in there with him, even if it was only to help him settle in to the silence and show him how he wasn't going to be stuck in there, that Scott would always come back and get him out. That Scott wouldn't ever do what Phil's father had done; that he'd never be locked into a claustrophobic room and denied food and water.

He rushed downstairs, almost tripping in his haste, forgetting about that damned loose step on the staircase that Scott had been meaning to tend to for ages now. He almost walked past Scott who was staring forlornly into the room that Dan and Phil had been sharing. 

Dan stared at him inquisitively for a moment before coming to stand beside him, his hands subconsciously curling into tight fists.

"You didn't wake me up for school," he mused out loud when he saw the clock in their room flash out ten past eleven. 

Scott barely even acknowledged his presence at first except from with a slight startle. He turned to Dan, offering up his signature smile and resting his hand around Dan's shoulders. "I need you to be there for Phil today after he speaks to his social worker, he's.... Had a rough night to say the least." Scott rubbed his eyes tiredly, using his fore finger to pinch the bridge of his nose in a typical display of stress.

Dan nodded sympathetically, but still couldn't help but feel a spark of anger at the words. He could have been there for Phil last night, he wouldn't care how long he'd have to stay up with him for. "How long was he up for?" He asked through gritted teeth.

Scott stared at him with a look of realisation before answering, rubbing a calming hand on Dan's back.  
"I know it's hard, Dan. Seeing him like this every day but we're professionals, we know what we're doing with him. At least we're supposed too." Scott suddenly looked extremely tired again, his eyes lined with a wisdom beyond his years. "Phil woke up screaming twice last night, had a complete breakdown at around half four and refused to go to sleep and is now completely exhausted." Scott sighed, he hadn't seen Phil get this bad for a while and he couldn't help but feel that Phil was getting worse instead of better. He could only hold out hope that Phil wouldn't start at his bad habits again (little did he know that Phil had never stopped).

Dan felt his pulse rise before he demanded "Can I see him now!" Scott looked as if he was going to object but nodded resolutely instead before muttering, "Just go down to him, Dan. I'm sure he's waiting for you anyway ." 

Dan practically floated down the stairs, he could see Phil and put his mind to rest. He took the stairs two by two and jumped the last four with a resolute sounding "thud" that seemed to echo around the empty house.

It was so quiet and covetous without the hustle and bustle of the carehome and the shrieks and laughs of the children who lived there. He knocked on the door of the quiet room, expecting Phil to open the door happily. That was in an ideal world and Dan knew that Phil would probably let him in albeit unhappily. He didn't expect to hear the sounds of sniffles and the sound of a lock scraping against the catch of the door. He was about to dive back up the stairs and grab Scott and demand that he unlock the door to the quiet room but he knew that the man was exhausted and deserved the rest. 

Cute things weren't exactly Dan's forte. He was clumsy and awkward and he blushed too much. He couldn't make anything for Phil, it would end up being a complete and utter disaster. It wasn't like he had time to run to the shops either, it was a miracle that Scott had let him have the day off with Phil, he didn't want to push his luck and leave the care home without permission. He settled for raiding the cupboards for anything he could being to Phil as a peace offering. He grabbed various chocolate bars, the fact that Phil didn't eat much barely crossed his mind; he just wanted to be able to see Phil. 

Phil was his priority right now. 

"Philly? I have chocolate, can I come in and talk?" He bargained. A couple of sniffles later and a lock was being pulled open to let Dan into the room. Phil had already shuffled back to his bed by the time Dan had entered the room. They sat next to each other, Phil curled up in ball protectively. Obviously extremely insecure and defenseless right then. 

"Do you want chocolate?" Phil didn't bother replying, he simply looked at Dan inquisitively. Tears shining in his eyes but refusing to fall, he was trying so desperately not to break down again.

"Scott tells me you had a rough night, do you want to tell me about it?" Dan whispered soothingly, wrapping his arm around the frozen boy. He used his other arm to drape his hand soothingly through Phil's fluffy hair. 

Phil shook his head. He didn't want to do anything right then. He didn't want to talk to anyone or be around anyone that wasn't Dan. Dan, he could cope with. Dan would never hurt him or put him in the quiet room when he was scared and needed help.

He tried to move towards the pen and paper but his body felt so exhausted and beaten down that he couldn't help but choke out a sob. He was so tired but his sleep was constantly plagued by the nightmares of his past and what was turning out to also be his present.

Dan stopped Phil immediately when he saw the fat tears rolling down his face. He pushed him back gently into the pillows, wanting Phil to be entirely comfortable and as relaxed as he could be. He ignored the wince of fear from the younger boy at the sudden touch, saddened to see how nervous Phil still got around him. He grabbed the notebook for Phil, placing the pen directly in his hand before letting out a loud gasp at the state of the boys left arm. Bruised and bloodied the bone was jutting at a strange angle and it took all Dan had not to be sick at the sight of how damaged it was. 

He was drawn out of his musings by Phil worming his way back under his arm again. Allowing Dan to hold him protectively whilst he hid his face. He wasn't crying anymore but he was still obviously shaken up.

"Dan, I'm tired. Want to go to sleep but it's too scary." Dan could pretty much guess how desperately Phil needed to sleep by how messy the boy's usually perfect cursive writing was. 

Dan read the note carefully before discarding of the pad. He pulled Phil gently into a more comfortable lying down position and tucked the thick throw around them both. The dark circles under Phil's eyes worrying him.

"Go to sleep, Philly. I can tell you're tired, I won't let anything happen to you. I'm going to be right here to protect you." He promised and soothed. Phil must have been fully out of it as he needed barely any consoling to fall asleep, his head lolling down onto Dan's chest. His hands curled into little fists around Dan's pajama top, holding himself tightly to Dan like a baby monkey to it's mother. He smiled down at the sleeping boy who he'd become so attached too before pressing a chaste kiss to his fluffy mop of hair. Despite how rare they could be; Phil cuddles were the best.

*********************************  
"Dan?Phil? You have to wake up now, guys. Phil's social worker is here ready to see you both." Scott roused them gently, placing a hand on Phil's shoulder and rubbing circles in to it. Phil mumbled in protest; he was too tired, besides he didn't want to see Mitch. 

"Philly come on, buddy. Don't make me get the water." Scott teased, Phil's eyes flew open- shocking cerulean glaring at Scott with a surprising intensity. Azure depths staring back at Scott as if daring him to even think about doing it.

*************************************

"So, Phil. How about you and I have a little chat in the office hmm?" Mitch trilled nervously to the shaking boy in front of him. Uncomfortable with the idea of upsetting Phil by making him talk about what happened. Many of their chats of this nature had ended up with Phil throwing things; the self hatred he had for himself being lashed out into the room.

Phil stopped half way to the room that Scott and Mitch were leading him too, staring at Dan inquisitively before pointing at himself and then Dan. He felt his heart warm instantly; Phil wanted him. Phil wanted him to protect him, Phil was starting to trust him! 

They entered the room together, Phil's clammy hand bumping against Dan's occasionally. They sat next to each other before Phil assessed how far away they were and pulled his own chair closer to Dan's so they were touching - blushing heavily as he did so.

Scott smiled at the antics of Phil. A deep smile that lifted his cheeks and met his eyes which were now looking considerably brighter than when Dan had seen him earlier on in the morning. 

"Phil, you know the drill by now," Mitch said wearily. "You answer our questions and your free to leave with Dan as soon as we're done. As usual, Scott will be taking notes. Ready?"

Phil looked like he was going to protest and Dan could see just how hard it was for Phil not to just leave right there and then. Dan grabbed Phil's hand and gave it a small squeeze but frowned and angled his body more towards Phil when the the younger boy ripped his hand from Dan's grasp, wincing and making facial expressions of pain. 

Immediately, Scott, Mitch and Dan were on red alert. Scott heaved himself off of his chair and knelt in front of Phil's chair. "What's hurting, Philly?" He whispered, his professionalism of the meeting gone. Phil motioned to his arm, and winced again at the noises that everyone made after seeing his severely bruised wrist.

Scott dashed into the kitchen immediately, as if the hounds of hell were hot on his heels. He brought back an ice pack and temporary tie on sling for Phil to wear. 

"Do you want to go to the hospital now and do the meeting now or later and do the meeting now? Not going, before you ask, isn't an option, Phil," Scott inquired as he secured the sling around Phil's neck and placed Phil's seemingly broken wrist inside.

Phil sat back in his chair in answer to Scott's question and they all got ready to resume the meeting once more. "This seems a rather fitting place to start, why didn't you turn up to school yesterday?"

Phil struggled to write with his right hand out of use but managed to form legible words with his left hand. "Got scared and then when I went into school there was too much noise and bad words and I went back to the tree." 

They both nodded understandingly, they both knew how much Phil struggled with being overwhelmed in situations that he didn't understand. They smiled at him softly, letting Phil see that there wasn't any reason to be afraid of their meeting. 

"And what did you do then, Phil?" 

Phil stared down at his lap, unsure of how to answer. "I fell asleep and then when I woke up, I went into the school. I wanted them to ring you. My head wouldn't stop and I needed you, Scott. I really needed you. And people were shouting and calling me stuff and it wouldn't stop, I couldn't get it to stop!" 

By the end of the sentences he was writing, Phil was shaking anxiously; not used to sharing so much information about things that were bothering him.

Scott could sense the apprehension building in Phil and rested a hand on his shoulder noting how the boy winced. "Phil you never wince when I touch you anymore, what happened?" Scott was worried now, Phil had come so far, why has he flinching away now?

Phil shook resolutely before scrawling the word "nothing." Before putting his head down to meet with the floor. He didn't want to tell what happened, it only made it worse. If he told then it would make things so much worse for him.

Dan stared at him before bolting out of the room, shouting back a quick "I'll be there now!" He dashed up to Oli's room, he knew something had happened last night. He had wrote it off as his imagination; last night he could have sworn he heard Oli's threatening voice coming from Phil's room when nobody was supposed to be in there. He knew it was real when he crashed into Oli's room and saw the guilt flash across the boys' face before his usual mean look washed back over his features. He opted for grabbing Oli by his pajamas and pushing him against the wall forcefully," What did you do to Phil!" He demanded through gritted teeth, his nostrils flaring as he tried not to punch Oli right there. Oli just stared back at him, not meeting his gaze which riled Dan's anger further. "You better tell me what you did to him this fucking instant or I swear to God I will break you, do not tempt me! I KNOW YOU FUCKING DID SOMETHING YOU BASTARD, NOW TELL ME!" He accompanied this sentence with a violent pull of Oli's shoulders leaving the boy to collapse against the wall. 

Oli stared up at Dan in fear, panic brewing in his eyes. "I didn't fucking do anything!" He spat anxiously and  Dan couldn't control his anger any longer at the blatant lies and let his open palm slap against Oli's cheek in outrage, "Liar! YOU'RE A FUCKING LIAR!" He roared, his chest heaving. Oli looked at him and cowered away before admitting," My mates beat him up and they were worried he'd squeal so they had me enforce the message to him after he calmed down last night." Dan glared at him scornfully, "You're pathetic," he spat back at him before kicking the boy roughly in the ribs.

Dan ran back down to Scott's office where they were having the meeting about Phil, panting and gasping for breath (he really needed to get in shape, fuck those stairs were killing him). He watched as a spark of amusement flared up in Scott's eyes before concern became evident. "Outside, Dan," he demanded. Dan let himself be dragged outside noting that Mitch was stroking the back of an emotionless Phil, he needed to be with Phil. He had to be, he needed to check if Phil was hurt at all asides from his wrist.

Phil was the person next to him in his life now, who else did he have? Dan's own mother had dumped him here and his father didn't want him either, Phil was all Dan had.

He watched as Phil stared at him emptily as the door swang shut, his cerulean eyes lifeless and somber. "I'm sorry, Philly," he mouthed, the feeling of worthlessness weighing him down again. He couldn't do anything right for his mother and now he couldn't do anything to help Phil. 

Maybe he was as pathetic as she always told him after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Read the other 7 chapters on wattpad! http://w.tt/1DbnpFn Updates every Wednesday on there :)


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